Damned Good Dandy Lions

Okay, so I’m not going to win any Pulitzer Prizes for this entry. But that’s okay, because I will never win one anyway, so I won’t be bogged down by anguish over not doing so. But I do expect this post to make people think about the priorities of the world.

Why do we hate dandelions? They’re pretty. They’re yellow. They’re just one of God’s many gifts to us. Yet when a lawn looks like this:

We wonder what is wrong this those people? Their lawn should look like this:

In essence, we give more value to a lawn that is propped up by chemical supplements (steroids for grass) to one that is graced by nature’s own splendor and beauty. Why not just do away with lawns altogether, throw down a slab of concrete, paint it a brilliant green and call it a day?

See, I refuse to be pulled into the games that lawn care companies try to play with the homebuyer. I, of course, don’t own a home. But if I did, you can bet the $20 you’d spend on a bag of fertilizer that I’d let dandelions roam free like the lions in the African safari.

And finally, a short story I wanted to share with you that I think might win me a Pulitzer.

I didn’t like the way the gas attendant eyeballed my mother. And I could feel the rage boiling inside of me like an egg on Texas concrete in August. I wanted to smash my fist down on his face and bust it into a million pieces. But I did not. I showed restraint. I took mercy on the man. I chose peace over violence. Then, I picked my mother a bouquet of wild dandelions and we drove off happily into the sunset without paying for the gas.

Act Now! Don't Miss This Incredible Opportunity To Paint Your Masterpiece!

Today I offer hope. I just finished reading Gordon MacKenzie’s Orbiting the Giant Hairball, an inspiring book on creativity and the human spirit. The man has a lot of great things to say, but, of course, he saves the best for last: we each have a masterpiece to paint. Before we touched earth, God gave each and everyone of us a blank piece of canvas and requested we return it to him with our masterpiece. The tricky part comes when we make our entrance into a world which conspires to unblanken our canvas by providing us with helpful hints as to how we should go about doing so. And then we take those hints, and our masterpiece ends up sucking. And, I’m guessing, God probably sighs.

But, God also hopes, because he knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows that we can always paint our masterpiece. It’s always in us, just waiting to be revealed – shared – with the world. But here’s the important thing MacKenzie wants us to remember: there’s only one masterpiece like ours, and if we go to the grave without painting it, then the world will be short one more masterpiece.

And, if you ask me, the more masterpieces the merrier.

Have you painted your masterpiece?

What Would Cap-n-Crunch Say About This?

So the Pirates want a piece of us. They’re calling us out. Ready to slaughter anything American because they can “recognize” our flag. I’m overwhelmed by their brilliance. Saw a picture of these guys and they are skinny. I mean, blink-and-you’ll-miss-‘em skinny. To look at them, you’d think no wonder they’re attacking ships, they need food. Too bad the sad irony is that they’re attacking ships that are bringing food aid to areas in their region. But they have guns and rocket launchers so that makes them bad asses.

It’s been a pretty good run for them so far. Many of these unarmed ships have been easy pickings in the vast oceanic expanse. But now they’re calling us out. Even calling Obama out directly. We’ll see how he responds. He says, he will. I think he’s going to have to now that the buccaneers have decided to go after Americans specifically because of his vow to combat piracy.

I wonder where Johnny Depp stands on this whole issue.