Please, for the Love of God...

WASHINGTON – The Treasury Department has approved 10 of the nation's largest banks to repay $68 billion in government bailout money.

The department on Tuesday said the banks, which were not named, will be allowed to repay the money they received from the $700 billion Troubled Asset Relief Program created by Congress last October at the height of the financial crisis.

....Don't let this mean that I'm going to be allowed to pay back my credit card bills.

Might As Well Jump

So this dude in China found himself stuck in traffic one day because a fellow countryman was standing on the edge of the bridge threatening to commit suicide. So this dude goes past the police cordon, offers to shake the jumper’s hand, and then pushes him off. Don’t fret, the man landed 10-yards below into a nice cushiony device filled with air specifically to protect troubled souls from their own actions

The motorist’s response to pushing the man:

“I pushed him off because jumpers like [name omitted here] are very selfish.
Their action violates a lot of public interests...”

And there you have it. Turns out the jumper also owes a whole bunch of money for a failed building project. So not only was he holding up traffic, but he doesn’t pay his bills. I promise you this, my dear readers, should I decide to drop the final curtain on myself, I will not, repeat, will not HOLD UP traffic, express lines in the grocery story, or even my own head. I will just do the deed and be done with it. Hugs and Kisses. Vince.

Let them Eat Cookies

I'm not saying I told you so, but as I'm the guy who pimped Cookie Monster last week, I think I deserve some credit here. A recent article in Time Magazine explains how US investigators used cookies to get Bin Laden's bodyguard to give up information in regards to the original 9/11 attacks. Abu Jandal, a man who struck fear into his own bodyguards, a man charged to put a bullet in Bin Laden's head rather than let him be taken alive, started to give in when investigators gave him cookies. Who says terrorists aren't a bunch of softies?

The long and short of it is, the first day he lectured interrogators on the evils of the West; he refused their offer of cookies and tea because of his diabetic condition. But then the next day, when he was offered sugar-free cookies, something that a diabetic could eat, he softened and started to sing like a bird. The article goes on to say there was some other interrogating sleight of hand used, but the cookies were the turning point.

Didn't I just tell you Cookie Monster is so cool because we can trust what he says. Who knew cookies could change the world.

IN OTHER NEWS: the Iranians are blaming the Americans and Israelis for an attack by gunmen outside the offices of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. They said, "Hire of the terrorists by the U.S. was verified based on investigation." Excuse me if I don't trust the Iranians' investigation and their obvious motives to blame all wrongs on everything US (read that as a pronoun and proper noun, please). Something tells me, the Iranians weren't using cookies in their investigation.